“Don’t ever let a man tell you your worth, based on his inability to see it.“
As a single mother, you may have asked yourself, “Why on earth would a successful man want to date me?” It is understandable; for much too long, single moms have been stigmatized and portrayed as damaged, carrying baggage or undesirable. Search for articles on single moms and you’ll find pages filled with advice for guys to NOT date single moms.
As President Ronald Reagan declared in 1984, single parents deserve appreciation and recognition for demonstrating dedication to their young. A single mother need not feel less-than when coming to the dating table. If anything, she has many admirable qualities that make her a desirable girlfriend.
In this article, we’ll explore what men’s opinions on single women are, the good and the bad. Finally, you’ll learn easy, actionable ways to find the right guy for love and companionship as a single mom.
Why Some Men Love Dating Single Mothers
As stated, there are tons of reasons men should date single women, but here are some from a guy’s perspective. Online personality Derrick Jaxn shared why he thinks single moms are the bomb-dizzle in a viral video. Some of his thoughts are captured below:
1. She Can Cook
Feminism aside, men are attracted to women who know their way around a kitchen, even if they don’t cook every night. A single mum can prepare food night after night because her child needs to eat.
2. She is Financially Savvy
Forget the media; the average single mum doesn’t get child support, and even if she does, it isn’t usually enough. Therefore, a single mom knows about budgets, stretching a dollar as far as it can go and getting priorities right. Men who are looking to settle down love the financial sense in a single mom.
3. She Is Past Casual Hookups
You probably won’t find single moms among the groups of women clubbing and going home with someone new every night. She doesn’t have time for that, and she can’t afford to change guys every night in front of her kid(s). A single mom dating casually will not bring her hookups home.
4. She Is Accommodating
It’s unlikely that a single mom will leave a relationship for judgmental or inconsequential reasons. From the beginning, her priority is ensuring stability in her kid’s life even as she looks for her own love. She probably won’t dump a single dad, for example, unless this dad isn’t doing right by his kid.
5. She Epitomizes Motherhood
If a guy is looking to settle down and have kids, a single mom shows what kind of mother she is in her child. A healthy, responsible and happy child isn’t easy to raise, especially with her circumstances. If she’s kicking ass at single parenting, best believe she’ll kick ass when both parents are around.
6. She Is Self-Sufficient
Raising a child single-handedly is hard, which means single moms try hard to plan for the future. They are saving every shilling and working multiple jobs to get their own home and they have their own money. Contrary to popular belief, single mothers don’t automatically expect their men to chip in for their child’s expenses.
7. She Is Persevering
Because of the importance of stability to her, a single mother is less likely to run at the first sign of trouble. It’s noteworthy that trouble doesn’t mean cheating or domestic abuse – no woman should have to put up with that.
However, with real crises like losing jobs or sickness or stormy relationship seasons, single mothers try to make it work. This is because a long-term relationship includes her child, and she wants the child’s environment to remain stable.
For every man that doesn’t like to date a single mother, there’s a man that gravitates towards them. Often, these are long-term minded men who are on course to achieving their goals. Therefore, they are ready to look beyond the obvious challenges that dating a single mom presents.
Attractive Qualities of Single Moms
Most single moms forget that men are drawn to quality women as an extension of their own success and self-worth. Speaking quality, a single mom takes responsibility, prioritizes her children’s needs, and sacrifices everything to keep them healthy, secure and nurtured. What man wouldn’t respond to that?
If you’ve been thinking you’re second-class and no one wants you, banish such thoughts from your brain from today. Apart from the preceding section, here are five reasons why you’re a real catch for a worthy man:
8. You Know True Love
Nothing beats the love a mother has for her child, and single moms epitomize this love in a special way. A single mom is selfless, compassionate, sensitive and caring because she has to put someone else first daily – her child. Needless to say, these attributes can lead to meaningful romantic connections on the dating scene.
9. You Are Stable
A single mom becomes the pillar of the home based on the cards dealt to her. Her primary responsibility is to ensure as much stability around her children as he can. This means, if she chooses a guy, she is in both feet in for the long haul.
10. You Are Focused
Even with child support, running a home single-handedly is a wake-up call to plan for the future and invest wisely. Single moms know that the effect of poor financial planning will be worst felt by their children.
Therefore, their career, ambitions, saving culture, investments, and goals reflect their desire to provide for their children. They are always working harder or finding one more thing to better their own and their children’s lives. Being around a woman with this kind of focus and drive can help a partner achieve their own goals.
11. You Are Beautiful
A single mother may not have the body of a childless woman, but she gains a very feminine grace with her “mom bod”. If you want, you can tone your body and lose some weight (if you want), but you are beautiful regardless. If curves appeal to a man, they may appreciate the fuller, curvier version of you.
12. You Have Purpose/Meaning
Because she has dependents, a single mom can no longer entertain the flightiness she had as a childless woman. For a man, this means she knows her goals and will only stay if his plans align with hers. A single mom has no time for the immature games of casual dating.
You are strong, capable, resilient and patient. You do these things daily as a mother, and it’s why any man would be lucky to have you as a girlfriend. You are a quality woman that deserves to be loved: own it, believe it, portray it, attract it.
Why Some Men Won’t Date Single Mothers
Men in the dating world have tons of choices; they own the game because they typically make the first move. The sad truth is that some men, even dads themselves, do not like to date single women. Some have perfectly legitimate concerns, some have their preferences, and others just aren’t in the serious phase of their lives.
Remember that when a man runs away because you have a child, it’s less about you and more about him. Here are some reasons men might shy away from single mothers:
1. Your Child Comes First
Any man dating you must understand that your child is your priority. Some men want to be the most important person in your life, the one with the biggest influence.
2. Baby Daddy Drama
Except for those who have been widowed, dealing with your child’s father can be really tough and ugly. Some men wouldn’t like to be caught in the drama.
3. Bonding with the Kids
How your children respond to your potential boyfriend plays a huge part in the progress of the relationship. Some men are afraid of trying to form a bond with a child who probably already hates them. To them, he’s the reason their dad isn’t getting back together with you.
Others are afraid of falling in love with your children and losing them if your relationship ends. Some are just not ready for fatherhood, which they may have to become dating a single mom.
4. It Is More Expensive
Some men fear that they may have to help out financially, especially if the children’s father isn’t stepping up. Raising a child is quite expensive, $233,610 as of 2018, and that’s a handsome (and scary) figure.
5. The Mom Bod
It’s no secret that carrying and giving birth to another human being takes its toll on your body. There are a few lucky women that are able to bounce back with minimal scarring or weight gain. Some men don’t appreciate the Mom Bod for the thing of beauty that it is after motherhood.
There are many other reasons that a man would run away from a single mother. For example, single mothers can’t be as spontaneous as a childless woman can. Making plans must include plans for the kids, and this can become too much for them.
Regardless, in the game of dating and relationships, there are no rules. Everyone is entitled to their preferences and deserves to find their own definition of what makes them happy. Similarly, you don’t want to be with anyone that doesn’t want to be with you in the first place.
There’s no law that says single moms have to settle for the first man that will pay attention to them. The rules in love are the same as in life: nothing worth keeping comes easy.
Cut yourself some slack and work on becoming more confident, available and spontaneous. We understand that your life is stressful as is, between work and a child. Still, try to meet a guy that shows interest halfway.
Make time for your potential mate and be active and present with him during your dates. Try to steer the conversation away from your children; he should also feel like you value him and his experiences.
Finally, put some effort in looking good for him, even if you no longer have your girly bod. Men will respond more to the sexiness and confidence you exude than to how you actually look!