Is it true that women just want a man who makes a lot of money? How can I win at dating if all women want to see is a BMW and a $100 dinner?
Men, if you’re looking for dating tips so you can up your game next time around and avoid the gold diggers, you already know that there’s a lot of advice bouncing around on the internet…for women. Dating advice geared towards guys is hard to come by and you’ll have to dig a little deeper than your single female friends searching for the same info.
That’s why we’ve taken the topic and boiled it down to its essentials for you. Here, in what follows, you will learn the basic concepts of what women really want (hint: it’s not gold). Once you know that, you have the foundation upon which you can build an entire repertoire of dating moves.
But before we show you the good stuff, let’s talk about what every man thinks he knows about what women.
What You Think You Know is All Wrong (Kind Of)
Let’s get one thing out of the way right now. There’s a big elephant in the room, and if we’re going to learn anything here today, we have to remove the elephant. There’s a belief circulating the globe which has the unfortunate characteristics of being partly true and backed by science. Therefore, this belief is pretty hard to squelch, even though it’s misguided. What is this misguided notion that all men seem to have, about women? Here it is…
Women are gold diggers.
If you think that, then you are misguided- but before you retort with all kinds of examples of girls who choose the guys driving the BMW, girls who demand dinner at the top restaurants, and who otherwise show themselves to be gold diggers, let’s explore a bit further.
It’s Evolutionary, Baby
You do have a point when it comes to money, to a certain degree. Most women, given two men who were identical in all ways except one had lots of money and the other didn’t well, guess what…of course the guy with the money bags is going to win.
Women are biologically built to seek a provider for themselves and their possible future kids. Back in primal days, that meant whoever had the biggest muscles, got more babes. In today’s office culture, it’s not muscles but money that signals an ability to take care of a family.
What about Women’s Lib and all that, you say? Of course women make their own money now. However, most also want the option to someday have kids and stay at home with those kids. They don’t want to be rushing off to work wondering what will happen to their kids in day care that day, or what they’ll miss in Baby’s first few years. More and more women are choosing to stay at home with their children, even when they have great careers going for them.
So yeah, any woman would rather have a good provider than a man who can’t pay the bills.
Yes, There are Real Gold Diggers
For those true gold diggers you’ve encountered out there: yes, sadly some misinformed women have caved and are in it for the money. They’re running down the wrong path, however, as both research and real life tell us that other factors actually produce a good relationship. They’ll someday learn, and if not well they’re doomed to live the life they chose.
Like the men who just never seem to learn that communication is the key to a good relationship, or trust, or any of those good things, gold-digging women just don’t get it.
Sometimes It’s Not What You Think
To all the guys who think they’ve got women figured out, we ask you to try and see the bigger picture. Sometimes things are not as you think.
Take John, for example. He’s a lowly lab assistant at a research facility, so his salary isn’t that impressive. His car is nothing showy, either. After a string of bad dates, he begins to wonder what the problem is. Nothing is working out, and women just don’t seem to date him very long, if at all.
Then one night downtown he sees a girl he once dated. She had turned him down for a second date without much of an explanation. The guy she’s with is actually driving a Lexus and he’s obviously rich because John saw them coming out of one of the city’s most expensive restaurants. The guy even wore a fancy suit that just reeked of money.
“Aha” John thought. “She likes rich guys. She’s a gold digger!”.
Then John saw another girl who wouldn’t even date him once, who just wanted to be friends. She was with a guy and although John didn’t see the guy’s car or anything, he happened to know the guy from a party he’d been to a few months ago. The guy worked in finance. “‘Nuff said!” thought John. “Just another gold digger!”.
In John’s eyes, there was enough evidence to convince him that he knew what women were after, and that was money. After all, what did those two guys have that he didn’t have, besides a high-paying job? “Boy, women are shallow” he thought.
But what John didn’t know was that these women weren’t gold diggers at all. Sure, it looked that way from his perspective. However, as is usual in life, there’s more than meets the eye.
Here’s What Rich Guys Have
John was mistaken when he thought the rich guys had nothing more than him except bigger salaries. They also had qualities which women find incredibly attractive:
- high standards
Now, of course that’s not all women want. Nobody wants to date an arrogant prick, but girls don’t usually fall for insecure guys, either. Confident guys are more fun, more exciting, and more apt to be good listeners…all these are qualities that tell women a guy has good potential.
John Has a Job
Let’s go back a step: women do want a guy with income potential. John is overlooking the fact that he does have a job, and a good one at that. He’s a scientist, and there’s a lot of upward mobility in a lab workplace. Chances are, John will soon be earning more money, and chances are, he’ll always have a job. So, the evolutionary principle at work here, that says women want a provider, should be all taken care of. John fits the bill.
Could it be something else? After all, John could be overlooking so many other reasons for his bad luck at dating:
• maybe he’s not good looking
• maybe he has annoying habits
• maybe he has emotional baggage
• maybe he’s got some sexual hangups
• maybe he’s creepy
• maybe he has a drinking problem
• maybe he talks about work too much
• maybe he’s a bad listener
• maybe he’s not physically fit
• maybe he’s just boring
• maybe he smells bad
• maybe his teeth are bad
…you get the point. It could be anything!
As a scientist, John should be aware of the fact that correlation does not imply causation! Sure, two women who turned him down went on to date richer guys. There’s no way to know the real reason they ended up with richer guys. It could be any number of things turning them off from John.
Besides, we haven’t told you yet what women really want.
Men, Here’s What Women Really Want…
Now that we’ve scraped gold-digging off the table as the primary motive behind women’s dating techniques, what do they want?
Simple: women just want a guy they can get along with.
In the end, we all want a partner who’s also a good friend- someone you can really talk to. What good is a rich guy if he’s always at work, anyway? Women absolutely hate it when their guy has no time for them. Fast forward to the future, and they still hate it when their husband has no time for his family.
What is compatibility? Well, lot of things add up to compatibility. What makes people get along? What makes your lover also your friend? Here’s a short list, gathered from relationship forums, columnists, and psychologists who specialize in dating and relationships:
What is Compatibility?
• It’s the ability to be open with your thoughts, your emotions, and your dreams in an honest, grown-up, two-way sharing relationship.
• It’s a mutual agreement on what’s important in life.
• It’s enjoying the same things- sports, cooking, working out, movies, etc.
• It’s honesty in a relationship. No lies, no secrets.
• It’s good communication.
• It’s respect. Your partner isn’t just some character in your own personal drama called life. She’s a real human being with dreams, thoughts and goals of her own.
• It’s about growing and changing together in the long term. The world doesn’t stop when you fall in love. To last for the long haul, you’ll both need to keep a keen sense of awareness about yourselves, your relationship, and how things around you change.
• It’s about bringing your best “self” to the relationship. If you’re a miserable son-of-a-bitch because your job is too demanding, it will shine through when you date. Unhappy people don’t tend to do well in the dating scene.
• It’s common interests. If one of you is a football-watching, potato chip-eating Sunday loafer and the other likes to hit the gym at least four times a week, there will be issues, my friend. There will be issues.
So, imagine that BMW-driving, slick-dressed “rich guy” working in the finance industry 20- years down the road:
• he’s still working 90 hours a week
• he pulls in gazillions of dollars a year but he’s a stranger to his family
• he’s out of shape, overweight, and completely unattractive to his wife
• he’s nasty to be around because he’s so unhealthy and stressed out
• he hates his life, so he makes others around him miserable
• he drinks too much
• and he’s even in debt, from buying brand new BMW’s all those years to please his gold-digging wife, support his privileged kids, and finance his humongous mansion which is still mortgaged
Wow, how does that sound now? Guaranteed: most women would choose the scientists over all that any day. That’s because women aren’t stupid (well the gold-diggers are)…they know that what’s really important in life is happiness, family, health and the ability to pursue one’s dreams and feel fulfilled. None of that requires absolute wealth, either.
Now, of course a total derelict can’t provide those things, so of course, women aren’t apt to want to take a guy without a job. But that doesn’t make them gold diggers! It makes them practical, smart and human.
So, if you’re like John and you’re wondering why all the women turn you down for “rich” guys, perhaps it’s not a matter of gold digging. After all, if a woman is truly a gold digger, why would she agree to go out with you in the first place, unless she saw evidence of “gold”? Are you perhaps trying to pose as an extraordinarily wealthy guy? Ha, then you get what you deserve.
We know that’s not you, though. We know you’re a good guy who’s simply trying to understand the complex intricacies of the dating scene. We trust you’ll take the handy list you saw above, the one where we explain compatibility, and read it over and over. That is your guide to being successful at dating. That is your complete list of dating advice for men. That is your ticket to finding a great woman who appreciates you for yourself.
Use it in good faith that not all women are money-grubbing gold diggers out to secure a mansion, a fancy car, and whatever else it is that women like that think will make them happy. Whoever they are, they come from a sad, sad place! Whoever they wind up with probably deserves them!