Who, being loved, is poor? ~Oscar Wilde
We yearn for it, we dream about it, we strive, and we pine away. Love is a fundamental human desire that drives so much of what we do and who we are.
So it’s the most frustrating thing on earth when it seems impossible to find it!
If you’re looking for a serious love relationship but just can’t seem to make things work, perhaps it’s time to start looking inward. Of course maybe you’re just not meeting the right people. We all know that happens! But if love evades you time and time again until you feel like you’re stuck on repeat disaster, try this on for size: it might be something you’re doing wrong.
Check out these common seven reasons why people have difficulty falling in love and see if you don’t recognize some of your own behavior. If you do see yourself below, then it might be time to take a short hiatus from dating and reconsider your approach to love.
#1. You’re Hiding Your True Self
For whatever reasons, many people try and be something they’re not, in hopes of increasing their chances at love. Honestly, the only reason this might ever make sense is if you truly believe you can become something if you fake it long enough. Sound familiar?
Guess what? That very rarely happens. Of course the power of positive thinking is remarkable, and if you’re honestly putting forth a full-blown effort to rid yourself of negative feelings and change your attitude, then that’s wonderful. It can change your life and eventually lead to better love relationships.
However, for the guy or girl you meet during your journey to positiveness and peace, it’s going to be a bumpy road. You will have setbacks with your new attitude…just hope that your partner is strong enough to weather the change alongside you as you grow!
#2. You Are Self-Loathing
Self-loathing people have a very filtered, skewed view of themselves. As a result, their perspective on things is way out of whack. That includes your relationship too. Trying to be in love with a self-loathing person is one of love’s cruelest tortures.
Signs that you are self-loathing?
– You’re needy (see Reason #4, below)
– You can’t accept praise- you either reject it or minimize it.
– You read the worst into things every single time.
– You don’t take care of yourself or care about yourself.
– Your partners wear themselves out trying to prop you up but you never feel better: you’re never happy.
If this is you, then drastic measures must be taken or you will never ever find long-term, satisfying love. Find out why you don’t respect yourself and fix it, even if it means being single for a while. It’s worth it- totally.
#3. You Have a Soulless Approach to Dating
Let’s get one thing straight: Craigslist is for sex. Tinder is for Sex. Online dating …well at least you have a shot. But if your online dating profile is all you have to say for yourself, it’s time to get real. Online dating does work, but not unless you play your cards right.
Statistics say that before getting hooked, the average length of courtship for a couple who met online is less than half the time of other couples. Vegas Wedding anyone? Online dating may cause people to rush into things, which of course is not a good recipe for long-lasting love.
Of course it could be that people searching for love online are at their last stop. They’ve tried traditional routes to love and been unsuccessful for whatever reasons. Does that mean it’s for people who’re ready to “settle”? Perhaps…just be aware that although dating sites aren’t quite as soulless as the sex sites, you should still know what you’re getting into. You still have to follow up your matches with substance, charm, communication…all the right stuff.
#4. You’re in it For All the Wrong Reasons
Ever heard the phrase “you complete me”? Sounds so romantic, right? Wrong! This is a clear sign that whoever said it is in love for all the wrong reasons.
It means they’re not complete by themselves…they’re lacking in self-esteem, they’re lonely, or there’s something else amiss. The best relationships occur when both partners are well-adjusted.
The worst types are when one or both partners are needy, co-dependent unformed personalities who use love to avoid personal growth. That’s when someone is looking to fill a gap with his or her partner…relying on the partner for self-esteem. It means the stronger partner is appreciated not for who they are, but for what they can do for the needy partner. Not a route to fulfilling, long-term love!
#5. You’re Too Concerned with “Rules”
When will we ever get over the idea that there are “rules” in love? The worst kinds of rules are those which are self-serving, unrealistic, or just plain silly. If you have a list of “must-haves” in your ideal mate, better make sure you’re measuring up to your own list.
Otherwise, you’re just being hypocritical. Say, for instance, you require that your mate pull in a salary over a certain number. Better make sure you do as well, or you’re just a gold digger!
Or let’s say you require a certain level of physical good looks. Well that won’t fly if you’re not a hot babe too! See what’s going on here? Let’s be clear: if you have a list, try flipping it for a minute. Pretend that the list was written by a member of the opposite sex and see how you do according to that list.
How does it feel? For one, it probably sets up a system of comparison and “shopping list” mentality that’s not all that romantic. Do you like being reduced to a grocery list of superficial traits? Do yourself a favor and throw your list in the trash. Have an open mind and stop calculating the facts before you even get to know someone.