Online dating isn’t easy for anyone, man or woman. As a woman, you’re constantly inundated with messages from guys that just don’t cut it for you. To pushy, too passive, too fat, too skinny, too short – too tall, too bald, too ugly!
There’s so much chafe to sort through it can quickly become overwhelming.
Here’s a few great tips that’ll help you score more dates with the types of men you’re looking to attract, and less of the creeps and pushovers you’re looking to avoid!
Profile Creation: Internalize your unattainable nature – for now
YES ladies, you do actually need to create a somewhat meaningful profile if you’re looking for success in the online dating scene! The majority of female profiles that never get fully read by men are because of the negative, limiting statements we make in our profile, indicating that we’re otherwise unattainable and just putting up a profile for the heck of it as a distraction to boredom.
You might think you’ve dealt with a lot of duds and wasted a lot of time already, but men are always expected to make first contact and suffer endless rejection or non-replies. Even the Ryan Gosling’s of the online dating world only average 2 replies per 100 (conservatively). Don’t make yourself the girl who’s not likely to answer or who’ll end up being a mean/boring/psychotic disappointment when they finally get to meet you.
Here are a few common red flags that tell a guy you might be a waste of time or just plain too much work to be bothered with:
• “My kids are this, my kids are that, they’re more important to me than anyone.” (Translation: 1. I’m looking for a replacement daddy – or 2. You’ll always be playing second-fiddle to my kids, you’re better off finding a girl with less baggage!)
• “I’ve been burned before and will never let that happen again.” or “I’ve had lots of bad luck on this site before and not expecting much.” (Translation: my guard’s up, I don’t believe in love, I’m probably not going to be very open to getting to know you, I’m a B****.)
• “I want a guy who knows what he wants / has his S*** together.” (These statements are so cliché on dating sites and very vague for the men who read them. Are they to assume that if they aren’t sure they want kids or marriage within a year of meeting that they shouldn’t bother with you? If they work in front line retail instead of being a high profile engineer, do they not have their S*** together? Again, men will make assumptions about you because you’re not being specific.)
These are just a few examples to avoid. The basic crux here is that you’ll never meet anyone who matches your standards if there are any negative connotations a man can make about statements you’ve made in your profile. Be picky about what they generally look like if that’s important to you, and be honest about your expectations without putting a huge, impenetrable wall in front of your profile!
Background Check: Google the mother-loving heck out of prospects
Once you’ve established contact with a promising man you perhaps might like to meet, ask them for their full name and be very clear that you plan to look them up – on Google, social media, and anywhere else their name shows up! If they get vague, or don’t have an online presence, ask them why and use your gut to assess whether they might have skeletons (from the women they’ve killed) in their closet!
For instance, someone who claims to be a bank manager, business owner, social activist, etc., should definitely have a readily-available web presence you can look into. On the other hand, a nature-loving, free-spirited traveler or country-living mountain man might not have the time or inclination to bother with social media or other online activities, aside from looking up travel destinations or ways to build a solar-powered house. Use your best judgement.
Selection of Profile Photos: If you don’t want to be objectified, dress that way
Short and sweet: we all know men love our bodies.
A sexy two-piece bathing suit on a rocking body is going to get way more replies than three-piece office attire. However, if you’re looking for the right guy, why would you want him to use his penis to judge you, before he’s even met you? Worse, the good ones might label you with the other four-letter “S” word that we all love so much if you’re showing too much, too soon!
There’s nothing wrong with a little skin in your profile pics, like wearing a pair of shorts and a snappy halter top. This can be considered provocative, without being trampy.
If you’re just looking to hook up for a night or two with some hot guys for hot sex, the slutty approach will definitely work. If you dress conservatively and are honest about what you’re looking for, you’ll find that more guys of your type will find you, and the players will move on to the easier-looking fare.
Important: Reach out More Often!
This final online dating tip is for the feminists at heart out there. We put men in the impossible situation of having to approach us, make the first move, dive in for the first kiss, etc. Yet we get angry when we’re slammed for being too strong and independent.
What if Mr. Right is busy out there messaging other girls, meeting an endless stream of rejects, and doesn’t catch your profile among the sea of thousands or tens-of-thousands of other available women? And there you are sitting by the computer waiting for emails to roll in…
Sitting back and waiting leaves you in a situation where you’re going to “get what you get” and may waste so much time sifting through the bad ones that you get bored or frustrated before you finally meet Prince Charming. Why not be a non-traditionalist? A modern, empowered woman. Actually READ a few profiles and reach out to those men before they get snapped up by some other girl.
Give it a try. Your future husband might be the first man you send a message to on your favorite online dating platform!