So much has changed in the world of dating it’s hard to even know what a date is anymore. With casual encounters, hook-up apps, and modern gender roles switching everything up, just about all the traditional rules of dating have been broken, or at least modified for the 21st century.
There’s one old adage that’s hanging tough, however, and that’s the belief that first date sex is wrong. For sure, the jury is still out on this one. We looked at the scene from a modern perspective, and found that the issue of first date sex is a little like the issue of hemlines. Yup: hemlines.
To Hook Up or Not on the First Date?
Like dating, fashion is different these days. For older generations, there were fashion rules…bell bottoms were definitely “in” or definitely “out”. Long skirts were clearly in fashion or wayyyy out of fashion.
That’s different today, as it’s more of an anything goes attitude. Find your own style and rock it your way. Don’t like skinny jeans? There are still plenty of bootcut styles being sold out there.
We found the same attitude seems to be true for the issue of whether or not to have sex on the first date.
it totally depends on who you are
Not only that, but it can be OK for you to hook up immediately with one guy, but then hold out for two months with a different guy. That’s because …
it also depends on chemistry
Why is the answer so hard to pin down? Because there as many answers as there are people and scenarios…each must be considered individually and according to vague factors such as “gut feeling”, timing, and chemistry.
Still don’t get it? No problem: here are seven things to consider when deciding whether to have sex on the first date.
1. Strict dating rules have gone the way of poodle skirts. In other words, if the only thing stopping you from hopping in the sack on the first date is some antiquated rule you once heard, then there’s really nothing stopping you. Rules are for people who can’t think for themselves. It’s the 21st century, and people think very differently about sex than they did 50 years ago. When was the “first date” rule written, anyway… a hundred years ago?
If we can move beyond rules like only the man should initiate asking someone out or such classics as the guy should always pay, then surely it’s time to reconsider the old one about first date sex, too.
2. If chemistry is there, it won’t matter when you first have sex. That’s right: whether or not you hook up on the first date isn’t going to make or break your relationship. If it’s good chemistry, well then why wait. If it’s merely a drunken casual hookup, it wasn’t meant to be anything more anyway.
Let’s face it: if you have sex on the first date, and then the guy never calls you again, do you really think holding out would have changed anything? Besides, do you want to date the guy who doesn’t call/text you just because you guys hooked up 20 minutes after meeting? Come on- he’s got issues, or he wasn’t that into you in the first place. By having sex, you saved yourself some time by simply cutting to the chase and getting down to business.
3. Ummm: Newsflash: Guys Love Sex! If the chemistry’s there, you guys had a good time, and you hooked up the day you met, where’s the mistake? The guy will come back for more- simple as that. If all else goes well, there’s not a healthy guy on the planet who would make sex on the first date a reason not to date you a second time (and a third, and a fourth…).
4. If you have a complex, or you’re religious or you have intimacy issues, or health issues (STD anyone?) sex on the first date may not actually be for you. What this means is, while it’s OK to have sex right away, it’s still totally up to you. Feel nervous about letting a guy in so soon? Come from a religious background and still not sure what you think of it all? Of course you’re one of the ones who should wait! Remember, the new rules mean you make your own rules.
5. If you build up the “first time” too much, what happens? This can go either way. Making him wait can create a wonderful buildup…or a terrible one. It all depends on your personalities.
Sometimes the buildup of sexual tension creates too much pressure on that final moment when you finally give in and do it. For some, making sex a momentous occasion can turn out to be bad thing. Sex on the first date can help you get that out of the way so you can relax and just have fun, casual sex from that point on.
On the other hand, a lot of slow buildup to that first time, spread over the course of several dates, can be great foreplay for some couples. We hate to sound like a broken record, but it all depends on who you are.
6. Let’s face it: sometimes it is just about the sex! Yup, girls do it too: they just want a one-night stand and nothing more. Of course we may all hope for more, but girls these days know that sometimes it’s just about the sex. So yes, the first date sex thing is absolutely OK for these situations.
7. Social Media changes things. If you’re about to go on a first date with someone, chances are you already know quite a bit about this person from social media snooping. What’s more, if you’re “friends” online, you may have even exchanged quite a lot of information …the kind of stuff that’s traditionally discussed on first dates.
That means many first dates aren’t like first dates at all…they’re more like second or even third dates, if you’ve been chatting online with the guy for quite some time. So all your worrying about first date sex is really for nothing!
In the end, what it comes down to is chemistry, your personality, and what your gut is telling you. Whatever the case may be, trust your instincts and play it safe!